Of Trust, hurt, disappointments and broken hearts

Trust – an essential element for any relationship whether it be between friends, a couple, or parents and their children. Sometimes, we do everything possible to gain this trust from the other person, but the other person is just not willing to trust us…and the frustration that comes as a result is not worth putting into words…

I know i kinda broke their trust once…but that was when i was a teenager, and when i was just 16! Its a known fact that 15-18 are some of the hardest years to deal with…the years most prone to rebellious behaviour and most prone to following the wrong path. But they are also the best years for learning from mistakes..and for taking turns to ending up in the correct path.

When i broke their trust, they were mad. Maybe disappointed and hurt too, but they didn’t show these feelings out too much. But anger, and punishments prevailed, though most of them were undeserved. Over time, i realized my mistake. I have apologized, and tried to make it up to them in more ways than possible. And i have loved them for trying to forget what happened and for giving me another chance. Or atleast to pretending to try to forget.

The love and respect i have for them just shot up so rapidly when they decided to give me that second chance, although i knew that most of what they thought i had done was just pure bullshit. Just pure rumors brought to their ears by random people. The fact that they chose to believe them over me was pissing off, and frustrating, but i had no choice then. I used to yell, scream, and quarrel. But now, i realize that those were wrong moves too. But even with all these rumors flying around, they decided to let me try just once more, and to that i will be eternally grateful.

I may have made blunders with my second chance too, but they have been well kept away from them simply because i know it may make them angry. But i have learnt. I have sacrificed more than ALOT. And i have given in. And i know they know at least some of this, though i prefer to keep most of it away from them.

And now, they are having alot of issues with the other 2. Their tears show me how much of pain they are going through. Compared to the other 2, i think i can be classified a saint. And i have been trying to help them resolve these issues by talking to the other 2, and by trying to be the friendly big sister. I can’t tell them about it, cos then the other 2 will lose confidence in me, and then they can bid farewell to the idea of getting them back on the right track.

But suddenly, yesterday, they started acting all irrational again. Acting like i was 15. Acting like i was a senseless teenager running around with no sort of responsibility at all. I would love to do that, but I’m sorry to disappoint, i am definitely no longer that little kid of yours. And i thought we were over that phase, that phase where you decide not to trust me, and just throw around words and scoldings.

Yesterday, i kept quiet. Tried to defend myself in the calmest possible manner, and decided opening my mouth to defend would lead to arguments so shut up, nodded my head, and just answered questions. Tried explaining. But you refused to listen. Refused to be rational. And despite the rage and disappointment, i kept shut cos i knew that you were having too much of a hard time with the other 2, and would not be able to handle me too.

But then you said something. Just something, that i still can’t believe came out of your mouth. How i managed to get away from you without screaming, without shedding a tear, without showing my anger and hurt, i don’t know. But i never expected this from them, not in the very least! Shutting myself up, and crying for hours didn’t help cos you were the last people i expected this from!

Everything was going great till you decided to utter those words. And although i pretend like nothing happened, and like it never hurt me by keeping that smiley face on all the time just so that you’ll can be happy, i will never be able to get over those words. Trust Me.

And now i wonder if you’ll even ever truly love me, because everything you do seems to be so that you can hold your head high amongst those people who are just waiting for you to turn around so that they can back stab you!


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